So, now that I’m about 100 days from the big day, I’m reviewing Dos and Don’ts… if perhaps a bit late – but whatever. I just found a post talking about 10 Wedding Don’ts, but I feel like there are things I’ve gotten right but others that I disagree with.
1. Don’t be a Superbride.
Agree and Disagree. Early on in my planning process, I realized I was overly stressed and making my fiancé equally stressed; however, I disagree with bringing in sidekicks. The people who would be sidekicks for my wedding would be welcome, but I did not want the people I loved to be focusing on small stuff and risk not enjoying the actual wedding. I had been in that position before, so I knew how easy it was to fall into help mode instead of enjoy mode. Therefore, I would alter this item to : 1. Don’t be a superbride, hire a wedding planner. Wedding planners are amazing. Mine in particular is wonderful at helping me stay focused and organized. Plus, I know that on the day of, my family and friends will be able to focus on having fun, and April, the owner of Candlelight and Roses, will handle everything else.
2. Don’t have a cash bar.
Agree. But I would add that they left out an item: if you already paid for tips, do not have a tip jar. Free drinks are great for your guests, but it’s tacky to have a jar on the table when you have already paid for the tip. I believe your guests should be able to come without bringing anything but themselves, no money necessary – unless, of course, they’re leaving you a check.
3. Don’t include registry on invites.
Agree and Disagree. I agree that having it directly on the invite is tacky. However, there is a way to include it that is not rude. What I’m planning is to put a separate sheet into the invitation envelope that has our wedding website along with the password to enter. Inside of the website is information regarding the day of, hotels and places near the venue, and the registry. This way, it’s not obvious, but it’s still available if they want to access it.
4. Don’t be bossy with your bridesmaids.
Agree. I’m trying to not be too bossy, but it’s in my nature. I’ve picked out less expensive outfits that look elegant next to me, and I do intend to do specific hair styles, but they won’t be paying for that. I also made their jewelry. So, I’m trying to be respectful of them, while at the same time creating the vision that I want.
5. Don’t make guests cool their heels for hours between ceremony and reception.
Agree. I am holding the ceremony and reception at the same venue. No traveling required. Plus, hors d’oeuvres and drinks will be available.
6. Don’t plan a difficult destination wedding.
Agree. I really wanted to have my wedding on the Oregon coast at a place like beautiful Haceta Head Lighthouse, but the logistics just didn’t make sense to me. I wouldn’t be able to have all of the guests that I wanted to invite, and I knew that those who did come would need to travel quite a ways. It just wouldn’t have worked… so, I’m so glad that I will be marrying in a similar setting in Lake Tahoe. No lighthouse, but it’s outside and fresh and beautiful… still miss the ocean though.
7. Don’t go DIY crazy.
Agree. I did my favors, bridesmaid jewelry, mothers gifts… a few other things, but that’s because I wanted to and knew that I could. I would definitely not claim to be a pastry chef or dressmaker. To be honest, I’ve seen first hand what can happen when someone who isn’t a pasty chef or dressmaker attempts to do it themselves… it’s just terrible.
8. Don’t let parents steamroll your invite list.
Agree… I’m trying. My parents are both deceased, so I don’t have pressure there, but lets just say that my fiancé has considerably more guests than I do. We’ll have to narrow it down if there are new constraints that arise from COVID19, but as of now we can do 100 – which we’ve filled.
9. Don’t forget about your fiancé.
Agree. Once I hired my wedding planner, it was much easier to sit down and chat with him. EXCEPT I’m now running into the “we need to pick items for our registry, what do you think of this?” Mostly his answer is, if you like it I’m fine with it. Then of course, our dance lessons give us fun bonding time!
10. Don’t bow to bridal peer pressure.
Agree. I couldn’t care a fig for what I should be doing. I’m doing what I want and that’s that. I’ll use previous weddings for inspiration, but that’s it.
The problems I’ve been struggling with though, are more related to colors and appropriate dressings. For example, should the fathers be wearing the same suit? Is that something I should dictate, or let them choose their own? Problem for another day, I guess.
I’ve also been struggling on family members being invited from the second level. Meaning, I’m happy to invite aunts, uncles, and cousins. However, if the cousin wants to bring someone, I decided that they needed to be engaged or married in order to get their own invitation, otherwise there is no plus one. It would become ridiculous, in my opinion, if every cousin was given a plus one. I see plus one as an opportunity to bring someone if you wont know hardly anyone at the wedding, family has no excuse – they have to know SOMEONE.