Warning: if you are a new mom who is struggling with breastfeeding, this post may trigger anxiety. Please know that you are not alone and my heart is with you.
It was heartbreaking in a way that I never imagined to have a crying, hysterical baby in my arms begging for food.
The good news? I was able to make milk within a day of our baby’s birth. The not so good news? She couldn’t latch. Or, if she did latch, it wasn’t strong enough and she didn’t stay on the breast for very long. I felt so helpless.
To add to the sensation of helplessness, our baby had jaundice at birth. Note, jaundice is not unusual in newborns and can be treated quickly. Blue light therapy is one treatment option, and another is for the baby to drink more milk to flush out their system. For a new mom, more milk usually means resorting to formula because of the low supply moms have immediately following child birth.
As noted in New Mom: 3 Learnings for Latching & Breastfeeding, we were working with our lactation expert to improve latch as well as pump.
For latching, I tried to breastfeed every time she was hungry, but she would start crying and then I would cry. I felt so bad for my husband: watching our pain, and knowing there was nothing he could do. The lactation expert was extremely helpful, but the progress was too slow to keep our baby fed and healthy. We focused on formula and getting more of my milk pumped so she could at least get it through a bottle.
For pumping, I knew I needed to pump 6-8 times a day – preferably more. Unfortunately, the one day that I managed to reach 6 pump sessions, I was so stressed trying to hit the milestone that I started throwing up. Add on that the amounts were pitiful by end of the day with only 10mL having come from the 6th session. I remember pressing on my breasts so hard to get more milk that I became bruised. It was horrifying.
So, here’s the question:
As a new mom, how do you accept that you aren’t able to breastfeed?
First, you need to be kind to yourself.
Not all moms can breastfeed, and that’s okay.
The important thing is that your baby eats and grows, whether or not it’s from you.
- Don’t berate yourself for something that’s out of your control.
- Don’t harm yourself trying to achieve your goal, accidental or otherwise.
- Don’t alienate yourself because you feel unworthy.
Give yourself grace, you’re doing an amazing job!
You are a great mom, please be kind to yourself.
Second, you need to find peace in yourself.
Like I mentioned in my previous post, our baby did manage to latch after we released her tongue and lip ties. So, I decided that even though she wouldn’t fully receive breastmilk and even though she was getting 95% of her milk through infant formula, it was okay. I was at peace with my decision because it meant that she would still grow, and that’s what mattered most.
Your baby is going to be just fine on formula. Do your research and pick what works best for you, and know that if it’s not working it’s ok to switch (we recently did more research on the formula we were using and realized we needed to switch to Kendamil organic infant formula).
Every situation is different. You just keep trying and eventually you’ll find balance and peace for you, your baby, and your family.
Finally, you need to build a support group.
Talk to your friends, your family, even complete strangers. There is still so much kindness in this world, even if we don’t see it, and even if the news says otherwise.
Where I live, there are also mom groups. You can find them at hospitals, on social media, and even in churches. If you are open to help, there is help to be found. Your community is there for you.
And where there aren’t mom groups, there are still moms. I’ve yet to meet a mom who wasn’t compassionate and open to supporting another mom. Whether it’s through guidance or even just lending an ear, mom’s look out for each other.
Let me know if you found this helpful!
I struggled a lot before choosing to post this and ultimately I’m hoping that by sharing my experience I will help others to avoid the same situation. ♥️